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by Jacob Teitelbaum, M.D.
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| Both grandmother and granddaughter are happily enjoying reading a book. It’s hard
to tell who is the happiest. |
Happiness is our natural
state of being. It is who
we are. This happiness is
obvious when you look at little children
before they take on society’s beliefs. Their
natural state is to feel all of their feelings
without resistance, leaving them free to
spend most of their time being happy and
playful.
It is not necessary, however, to be happy
all of the time. If I had to be happy all of the
time, it would be incredibly annoying.
Sometimes it feels good to wallow in feelings
of self-pity, revel in self-righteous anger and
generally have a good time with feelings that
are supposed to feel bad. That’s okay. You can
also develop the ability to be happy whenever
you choose.
Many, if not most of us, are caught up in
old habits and ways of thinking that sap our
happiness and keep us stuck in places that
feel bad. The simple three-step process below
will help you move into your natural, joyful
state of being. The Three Steps to Happiness
book will teach you how to feel all your feelings
and then how to let go of them. It will
also show you how to enjoy the life you have,
while perhaps more importantly, also provide
powerful tools for creating the life you
choose.
Experience in treating thousands of desperately
ill patients over 25 years shows that
health follows naturally from feeling happy
and following your bliss—not from focusing
on illness. Therefore, although health often
returns naturally from doing the techniques
outlined below, I will not write much about
illness itself.
How did we get where we are?
As noted above, in early childhood happiness
was our natural state of being. Along the way,
however, we got lost. We were seeking God,
seeking approval and seeking love. We were
doing what we thought was best. We were
simply trying to find our way.
We asked for directions. We were children—new here. What did we know? We
asked our parents. Lovingly, they taught us
their beliefs, experiences and what they were
taught would bring happiness.
We asked our teachers and clergy who,
beginning from a place of idealism, tried to
teach us in an often broken and frustrating
system.
We asked our politicians who set up the
rules for our system. These are people who
often began from a place of great compassion
and desire to help. Yet they entered a system
in which effectiveness can only be achieved
at the expense of deal-making and compromise.
We looked to our news media to find out
how things “really were.” Journalists enter
the field working hard to bring people the
truth. Yet what we see on television and in
the newspapers is often an inaccurate and
highly skewed (sensational and painful)
reflection of life.
Each of these groups gave us a view of the
world based on what they were taught was
right. A few succeeded in stirring our souls
and giving us a glimpse of joy, inspiration
and happiness. Unfortunately, very often
they seemed no closer to being happy and
having the truth than we were. As time went
on, however, we took on the beliefs of those
around us, often becoming imprisoned by
them.
As we get older and recognize these beliefs as
being optional, even illusionary (how often
have we felt that “the emperor has no
clothes?”), we can become free to decide, create
and if we desire, continually change our own
beliefs. In this way we become free to create any
reality for ourselves that we choose. We get to
simply decide which we prefer.
How can I tell if I have outgrown a belief?
Whenever you feel bad, ask yourself, “What
are my beliefs here?” Then make a list of
these beliefs and ask yourself if you really
believe them. Do they feel good? Do they
feel true? If not, give yourself permission to
let go of any beliefs that feel bad.
Yet as we set aside beliefs we have outgrown,
it is worthwhile to honor and appreciate
how they served us. In my experience,
my belief systems have been, and are, like the
shell of an egg. Without its shell, a chick
would be an amorphous blob and die. Like
the shell, our old belief systems gave us direction,
form and protection when it was
needed. The time comes, however, when the
chick grows too big for the shell. At that
time, the shell ends its role of being lifegiving.
Its last beneficial role is to become
something that the chick has to struggle
against, giving the chick life and definition.
In fact, if one helps the chick out of the shell
so that it has no struggle, it will die.
In the same way, the struggle of “breaking
out of the shell” of our old beliefs helps us to
define ourselves and propels us forward.
Although our new beliefs give us room to grow when we first break out of the shell, it is
wonderfully humbling and freeing to
remember that even these new beliefs will one
day be outgrown. Remembering this can help
to keep us from judging the beliefs of others—
reminding us that no one and no one’s beliefs
are better than any other. They are simply a
preference that may fit us better at this time. In
fact, that we sometimes create situations that
are painful does not mean we are evil or stupid.
It simply means that we are fully free to
explore while we go on the journey of remembering
who we truly are.
My new book, Three Steps to Happiness, can
teach you how you can stay happy in any situation
(in under 140 pages including cartoons
and quotes—long happiness books don’t make
me happy). It can then show you how to create
a life you love. Some of you do not need the
book. Simply make a habit of doing the three
steps below until they become natural to you.
Others may find it helpful (and enjoyable) to
learn the techniques and information in the
book to help them with the process. To summarize,
the three steps are:
1. Be authentic with your feelings.
Many people try to avoid feeling bad by
denying their feelings and burying them. All
this does is leave you stuck in them. You’ll do
much better to simply feel whatever you’re
feeling without any resistance and without the
need to understand it. All you need to do is to
feel your feelings and then let go of them when
they no longer feel good. You’ll be amazed how
good it can feel (for a while) to even grieve or
have a self-righteous fit of anger. After awhile,
however, these feelings no longer feel good.
That is the time to let go of them. Remember
though—nobody else is responsible for what
you’re feeling and you’re not responsible for
anybody else’s feelings.
2. Let go of blame and fault.
We live in a society where it seems that the
main way to get special privileges or rights is to
claim victimization. Playing victim, however,
is very expensive because you’re giving somebody
else control over your ability to be happy.
Although it is an old habit, spend the next
couple of weeks letting go of any blame, fault or guilt that you’re feeling (towards yourself or
others) as soon as you notice it. Don’t fight the
blame. Simply shift your attention to something
else that feels good. This doesn’t mean
you can’t be angry at somebody else. Simply
remember that they’re not responsible for your
anger. Remember to fix the problem and not
the blame. This simple change can transform
your whole life.
3. Keep your attention on what feels good.
Life circumstances are a menu from which you
can choose. The idea that news that makes us
feel bad is somehow more real and important than
that which makes us feel good is a misconception.
It helps when we remember that life’s experiences
are like a menu to choose from. You would not go to a restaurant and fixate on the menu
items that you don’t like. You simply ignore
them and choose the ones that you prefer. The
same applies to what you pay attention to. As
long as it feels good to watch the news, do so.
When it no longer feels good, change the
channel or turn it off. What is showing on
your TV screen, and what is going on in an area
that makes up less than one percent of the
planet, is not more real or important than
what is going on in your life or even outside
your window. You get to decide what to pay
attention to from the menu life offers. I recommend
that you choose to keep your attention
on what feels good to you. This is often
simply a matter of maintaining balance and
perspective.
You’ll find that what you believe and keep
your attention on is what you’ll tend to draw
into your life. Things feel good because that is
what our deep psyche/spirit wants us to do and
keep our attention on. If I’m wrong about this,
then you’ll have spent your life feeling good. I
can live with that.
Jacob Teitelbaum, M.D. is a board certified
internist and director of the Annapolis
Research Center for Effective CFS/
Fibromyalgia Therapies. Having suffered with
and overcome these illnesses in 1975, he spent
the next 25 years creating, researching and
teaching about effective therapies. His office is
in Annapolis, Maryland (410-573-5389). He
lectures internationally. He is also the author
of the best-selling book From Fatigued to
Fantastic! and the just released Three Steps to
Happiness—Healing Through Joy (available
at: www.endfatigue.com)
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