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by Jaqueline Lapa Sussman
illustration by Jeff Ham |
“One going to take a pointed stick
to pinch a baby bird should first
try it on himself to feel how it hurts”
..Traditional African Yoruba Proverb
All the world’s religious teachings implore us to love one
another: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” However,
as we grow, and as the world deals us harsh and painful blows,
our natural tendency is to close down, mistrust others, and
become self-protective. We develop attitudes that separate us
from others, allowing us to perceive them as “other” and different
from ourselves. This tendency to close our minds and
hearts has serious consequences, not only to our personal
health and well-being, but to the well-being of all those around
us. When our inherent connection to others is lost, we are then
able to hate, even to kill. Yet the capacity to live the world’s
greatest teachings, to truly see others as ourselves, is found
within each of us in the ability to experience empathy.
Empathy is the capacity to identify with and comprehend
another person’s feelings and circumstances. It is the total
experience of being shoulder to shoulder, eye to eye, heart to
heart, and toe to toe with another human being. With empathy,
we attain knowledge of others through direct personal awareness
of their experience. Empathy penetrates deeper than
reason, allowing us to acquire knowledge through the senses
and the heart, not merely through the mind. Through empathic
connection, deep and pure knowledge emerges about others.
We are all born with the natural capacity to empathize. When
we watch a sad movie, we cry as we experience the emotions of
the actors on the screen. We feel what they are feeling. When a
friend shares their sorrow or their joy with us, we join with them
in the moment, and our separate sense of self vanishes. We
absorb what they are experiencing. This occurs because one of
the central qualities of the self is its ability to extend itself into
others and to take their experience into our own being. Through
this psychical process, we break down any narcissistic isolation
and can experience true compassion.
We may think that to empathize with another means to sacrifice
our own self, as we put our own needs aside and become
totally present for another, but this is not so. The ability to experience
empathy is the secret to personal happiness. When we
feel at one with another, our hearts automatically open and we
become full. It is as much an act of self-fulfillment as it is an
affirmation of another. Our minds and hearts widen and we
experience a sense of deep unity and love. As a result, we feel
less alone, less alienated, and more connected to others.
In contrast, if we constantly think of ourselves only, we
become isolated and our own personal burdens seem greater to
bear. Narcissistic people are emotionally disadvantaged and
have lost their ability to connect with others. The depth of their
narcissism, and their inability to experience empathy, indicates
the intensity of their own unfulfilled need for understanding. In
fact, narcissists are unconsciously looking for empathy from
others. Those who are incapable of putting themselves in the
shoes of others are damaged people, whose functioning in the
world is impaired. They often have erroneous, self-centered
views about themselves and others, and these views prevent
them from developing nurturing relationships and from experiencing
genuine love. In modern views, narcissism is described
as a clinical illness needing psychological treatment, but it has
long been described as a spiritual ailment as well. The wonderful
sage, the Dalai Lama stated that “ME, ME, ME” people are
the first to suffer heart attacks. He said that those who are
empathic with “great open hearts” swim in an oceanic connectedness
of emotional and physical well-being. For those who are
closed down, the ocean dries up, and they are destroyed.
At times empathy requires us to bear witness to deep and
profound pain, and this may be difficult. However, avoidance or
emotional flight from another’s suffering impoverishes our
humanity, for we are denying ourselves a critical aspect of fully
experiencing life. It creates a void of knowledge and emotional
emptiness, as we close off from the painful reality of what we are
witnessing. We are somehow saying, “No, we cannot accept
this.” By refusing to accept all that life brings, we unconsciously
admit our inner weakness. We are left impotent to take action in
the world to effect positive change. We become self-protective
and narrow. Being empathetic, able to fully accept and engage
with all aspects of life—both good and bad—and act in accordance
with it, defines a person of psychological, emotional and
spiritual integrity.
Traditionally, the path to understanding has been through
dialogue. However, dialogue has its limitations, as it does not
allow us to experience another’s circumstance. We cannot step
into their bodies or hearts, nor see through their eyes. True
understanding is found only through the imagination. By imagining
another’s situation, we are able to see, feel, and know that
person in a profound manner. We can share their experience
and dispel the separation that still remains after dialogue. In
light of this, there is a new tool, Eidetic Imagery, which acts as a
lightning rod for developing empathy. Dr. Akhter Ahsen, the
leading theoretician in the field of Eidetic Image Psychology,
developed a method for unlocking the storehouse of images in
our minds. Eidetic Imagery is a scientifically based methodology
that studies how images of our life experience, stored in
the brain, affect our emotions, our minds and our bodies. These
images are neurologically recorded in the brain and systematically
stored away for future reference as concrete imprints of
real and factual events. When recalled, the
eidetic image recreates a vivid experience
of the events in our life with drama, clarity
and detail. From this enhanced perspective,
obstructions are overcome and solutions,
powers, and abilities are brought to
the fore. Eidetic Imagery allows us to gain
access to parts of our consciousness that
otherwise would be locked away. It is a
powerful technique for developing
empathy among people of different faiths,
genders, races, religions, or points of
view.
Imaging Instruction
Imaging is easy. Read the instructions
below and allow an image to be formed
in your mind's eye. (Most people like to
close their eyes, but you may keep them
open if you prefer.) Do not worry if your
image is vague or vivid. An Eidetic image
has three parts: the image you see; subtle
or overt body sensations or feelings that
transpire while seeing the image; and
meanings that may surface as you see the
image. Relax and allow the images to
unfold like a movie in your mind.
- See an image of a person you want to understand better.
- See where that person is and what he or she is doing.
- Notice the person's attitude, body language and emotions. Let the information come into view as you see the image.
- Notice that as you see the image, you gain a better understanding of the person.
- If you do not feel empathy or understanding, or if you want to know the person's point of view more deeply, then do the next step.
- Look through their eyes (you can do this in an image). What are they seeing? Let the information surface.
- How do they feel as they are seeing it?
- Let an understanding of their view emerge in you. Do you feel more empathy towards them?
Below are two condensed responses:
Empathizing into a colleague
“I see a person who works with me. He
does not follow directions, and I feel irritated.
I feel I give him simple instructions,
but he does not follow them and then
comes back to me many times.
“I see us in the office. I am telling him
something and he seems to be listening. I
think he got it, yet somehow it does not
get through. The instruction becomes
complicated when it should be simple. I
feel tight.
“Looking at his body and face, I see
that his body seems tired and he has a
defeated look on his face. Ha, the image
of him is shifting. At first he looked defensive.
Now, he looks defeated. It makes me
feel sad for him. I don't feel as annoyed
anymore. I feel more relaxed towards him.
And I feel there is something I can do to
remedy the problem. If I am more relaxed
and not irritated myself, there is more
opportunity for better communication.”
Empathizing into prejudice
“I don't understand prejudiced or racist
people. I don't like them. It is hard to
believe how they can be so stupid. When I
see the image of a racist, I see him
taunting a dark skinned person. His face
looks angry. His body is animated, filled
with rage. As he sees the dark skin he just
hates it. I have no understanding of his
stupidity. I have no empathy for him. In
fact, I hate him.
“As I do the image and see through his
eyes, I see that he is seeing black people
marching in protest. I see his hatred, but
now it is turning into fear. He is terrified of
their 'otherness'. As I see his fear, he
seems weaker to me. He actually looks
terrified. Now, I don't feel as angry
towards him. I don't feel compassion for
him, but I have a deeper understanding of
him. I also realize that my hatred of him is
not so unlike his hatred!”
Jaqueline Lapa Sussman is one of the foremost
practitioners of Eidetic Imagery in the
world. She is the author of Images of Desire:
Finding Your Natural Sensual Self In Today's
Image Filled Society and Freedom From Failure.
She has written numerous articles on Eidetic
Image Psychology. You can contact her at
www.jaquelinesussman.com or e-mail her at
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