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by Jacob Teitelbaum M.D.
 appiness is our natural
state of being. It
is who we are. This
happiness is obvious when
you look at little children
before they take on
society’s beliefs. Their natural
state is to feel all of
their feelings without resistance,
leaving them free to
spend most of their time
being happy and playful.
It is not necessary, however, to be
happy all of the time. If I had to be happy
all of the time, it would be incredibly
annoying. Sometimes it feels good to
wallow in feelings of self-pity, revel in selfrighteous
anger, and generally have a
good time with feelings that are supposed
to feel bad. That’s OK. You can
also develop the ability to be happy
whenever you choose.
Many, if not most of us, are caught up
in old habits and ways of thinking that
sap our happiness and keep us stuck in
places that feel bad. The simple threestep
process below will help you move
into your natural, joyful state of being.
The Three Steps to Happiness book will
teach you how to feel all your feelings and
then how to let go of them. It will also
show you how to enjoy the life you have
while, perhaps more importantly, also
providing powerful tools for creating the
life you choose.
Experience in treating thousands of
desperately ill patients over two and a
half decades shows that health follows
naturally from feeling happy and following
your bliss—not from focusing on
illness. Therefore, although health often
returns naturally from doing the techniques
outlined below, I will not write
much about illness itself.
How did we get where we are?
As noted above, in early childhood, happiness
was our natural state of being.
Along the way, however, we got lost. We were seeking God, seeking approval and
seeking love. We were doing what we
thought was best. We were simply trying
to find our way.
We asked for directions. We were children—new here. What did we know? We
asked our parents. Lovingly, they taught
us their beliefs, experiences and what
they were taught would bring happiness.
We asked our teachers and clergy who,
beginning from a place of idealism, tried
to teach us in an often broken and frustrating
system.
We asked our politicians, who set up
the rules for our system. These are
people who often began from a place of
great compassion and desire to help. Yet
they entered a system in which effectiveness
can only be achieved at the expense
of forced bribery.
We looked to our news media to find
out how things really were. Journalists
enter the field working hard to bring
people the truth. Yet what we see on television
and in the newspapers is often an
inaccurate and highly skewed (to the sensational
and painful) reflection of life.
Each of these groups gave us a view
of the world based on what they were
taught was right. A few succeeded in stirring
our souls and giving us a glimpse
of joy, inspiration and happiness.
Unfortunately, very often they seemed no
closer to being happy and having the
truth than we were. As time went on,
however, we took on the beliefs of those
around us, often becoming imprisoned
by them. As we get older and recognize these beliefs as being
optional, even illusionary
(how often have
we felt that “the emperor
has no clothes”), we can
become free to decide,
create, and if we desire,
continually change our
own beliefs. In this way
we become free to create
any reality for ourselves that we choose. We get to simply decide
which we prefer.
How can we tell if we
have outgrown a belief?
Whenever you feel bad, ask yourself,
“What are my beliefs here?” Then make a
list of these beliefs and ask yourself if you
really believe them. Do they feel good? Do
they feel true? If not, give yourself permission
to let go of any beliefs that feel bad.
Yet as we set aside beliefs we have outgrown,
it is worthwhile to honor and
appreciate how they served us. In my
experience, my belief systems have been,
and are, like the shell of an egg. Without
its shell, a chick would be an amorphous
blob and would die. Like the shell, our old
belief systems gave us direction, form
and protection when it was needed. The
time comes, however, when the chick
grows too big for the shell. At that time,
the shell ends its role of being life-giving.
Its last beneficial role is to become something
that the chick has to struggle
against, giving the chick life and definition.
In fact, if one helps the chick out of the
shell so that it has no struggle, it will die.
In the same way, the struggle of
“breaking out of the shell” of our old
beliefs helps us to define ourselves and
propels us forward. Although our new
beliefs give us room to grow when we
first break out of the shell, it is wonderfully
humbling and freeing to remember
that even these new beliefs will one day
be outgrown. Remembering this can help
to keep us from judging the beliefs of others—reminding us that no one and
no one’s beliefs are better than any other.
They are simply a preference that may fit
us better at this time. In fact, that we
sometimes create situations that are
painful does not mean we are evil or
stupid. It simply means that we are fully
free to explore while we go on the journey
of remembering who we truly are.
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that
encloses your understanding.
The Prophet
—Kahlil Gibran
My new book Three Steps to Happiness
can teach you how you can stay happy in
any situation (in under 140 pages,
including cartoons, quotes and workbook).
It then can show you how to
create a life you love. Some of you do not
need the book. Simply make a habit of
doing the three steps below until they
become natural to you. Others may .nd
it helpful (and enjoyable) to learn the
techniques and information in the book
to help you with the process. To summarize,
the three steps are:
 Be authentic with your feelings. Many
people try to avoid feeling bad by denying
their feelings and burying them. All this
does is leave you stuck in them. You’ll do
much better to simply feel whatever
you’re feeling without any resistance and
without the need to understand it. All you
need to do is to feel your feelings and
then let go of them when they no longer
feel good. You’ll be amazed how good it
can feel (for a while) to even grieve or
have a self-righteous fit of anger. Start
with where you are. After a while, however,
these feelings no longer feel good.
That is the time to let go of them.
Remember though—nobody else is
responsible for what you’re feeling and
you’re not responsible for anybody else’s
feelings.
Let go of blame and fault. We live in a
society where it seems that the main way
to get special privileges or rights is to
claim victimization. Playing victim, however,
is very expensive because you’re
giving somebody else control over your
ability to be happy. Although it is an old
habit, spend the next couple weeks letting
go of any blame, fault or guilt that
you’re feeling (towards yourself or
others), as soon as you notice it. Don’t
fight the blame. Simply shift your attention
to something else that feels good.
This doesn’t mean you can’t be angry at
somebody else. Simply remember that
they’re not responsible for your anger.
Remember to fix the problem and not the
blame. This simple change can transform
your whole life.
Keep your attention on what feels
good. Life circumstances are a menu
from which you can choose. The idea
that news that makes us feel bad is
somehow more real and important than
that which makes us feel good is a misconception.
It helps when we remember
that life’s experiences are like a menu to
choose from. You would not go to a
restaurant and fixate on the menu items
that you don’t like. You simply ignore
them and choose the ones that you
prefer. The same applies to what you pay
attention to. As long as it feels good to
watch the news, do so. When it no longer
feels good, change the channel or turn it
off! What is showing on your TV screen,
and what is going on in an area that
makes up less than one percent of the
planet, is not more real or important
than what is going on in your life or even
outside your window. You get to decide
what to pay attention to from the menu
life offers. I recommend that you choose
to keep your attention on what feels good
to you. This is often simply a matter of
maintaining balance and perspective.
You’ll find that what you believe and
keep your attention on is what you’ll tend
to draw into your life. Things feel good
because that is what our deep psyche/
spirit want us to do and keep our attention
on. If I’m wrong about this, then
you’ll have spent your life feeling good. I
can live with that.
Jacob Teitelbaum M.D. is a board certified internist and director of the Annapolis Research Center for Effective CFS/Fibromyalgia Therapies. Having suffered with and overcome these illnesses in 1975, he spent the next 25 years creating, researching and teaching about effective therapies. His office is in Annapolis, Maryland, 410.573.5389. He is also the author of the best-selling book From
Fatigued to Fantastic! and the recently
released Three Steps to Happiness–Healing
Through Joy (available at: www.endfatigue.com). He lectures internationally.
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